automatic response

It's that look of quiet desperation that gives him away.No matter what it
might say on the marquis,the matinee still runs the same sad fucking
show for two bucks on any given day.The loser who can't get a fucking
break.Life just keeps taking a shit on him no matter how hard he tries to
avoid it,no matter how many 'have a nice fucking day's'he collects.No
matter how far he might've convinced himself that the pendulum was finally
swinging into the positive for him.Deep down he already knows and,in fact,
expects,that the line that just got thrown his way inevitably leads to the
other end where the noose has already been tied and lies waiting.Waiting
just for him.Waiting just past the applause sign with a crate full of dear
john letters,rejection slips,eviction notices and severence payouts.Alongside
notebooks,page after page,full of endless lists of things that almost were
and ideas that never came to fruition.Things that,for one fleeting moment,
seemed important.Things that could have made a difference,things that should
have made a difference.If life weren't so incredibly and unbelieveably
fucking cruel.
It's that look of quiet desperation that betrays the abscence of dreams.Only
unfullfilled desires dot that mental landscape now.Only the feral hunger moves
what's left inside.The bitterness,while still palpable,has lost it's fury in
the bright lights of too many reality checks.They say that what goes around
comes around and it is never more true than with the case of blind rage.
Eventually it has to come home.Eventually it hits the real mark and that's when
the truest of the shit eating ear to ear smiles hits and he's ready for the
hammer to fall like a gift from a laughing power drunk God.

As he crept ever closer to his prize for a life well lived he realized,
what he now saw,was nothing even close to what he had dreamt it would be.
Had the time that he'd spent doing all of the right things,always making
the needed sacrifices,choosing the higher ground led him in the wrong
direction.This couldn't possibly be what he was meant to find at the end
of his journey.A journey that led him away from so much and ever forward
towards this place.He had denied himself,time and again,of all those things
that the others claimed were the real joys of life.His destiny was never
to experience any of that,or so he had believed.He was meant to do
something greater and his rewards were to be many.But he was quickly coming
to the full realization that maybe this was not the case.Unless....unless
he had somwehow lost his way at some point and perhaps this was not his
ultimate destination but some other unfortunate soul's who'd squandered
his life by simply enjoying himself.By accepting what he was and never
expecting anything more of himself than to just be himself.Such a sad life,
he thought,when compared to his own life spent in the pursuit of goals and
dreams and never accepting things as they are.Always striving for
perfection with a single minded intensity of purpose.He soon came to
believe that this must be the case and he left this spot to find that
higher ground where his true prize must lie and leave this place for the
easily satisfied to claim their winnings and continue just being....

you ever wonder,if there really IS a GOD that,maybe,WE are his reality television??

A reflective and end longing,weary old man recently told me that there are a
few things that I would be well to understand about those oft considered
magical beasts who have been granted almost mythic proportions when mentioned together and known collectively as'the birds and the bees'.For one,a bee will sting you and that stinger contains a substance that is toxic to your
system and has even been known to kill in certain extreme cases.Bees seem to
try and make up for this by providing a heavenly nectar known as honey but,as
you will find out,given time,anything that tastes that sweet can't be good for
you,even in moderation.It can and will rot your teeth,cause any number of
internal organs and operations to go awry and ultimately kill you just as sure
as the poisoned stinger will.It is also highly addictive.Once you've tasted it,there
is always a craving for more,no matter how dire the consequences.
As far as the birds go,once you get past their facade of cheery morning songs
and gleeful flights,the true beasts that they are will come to be seen.First
and foremost,they shit where they eat.In fact,they will shit just about
anywhere the urge hits them.Over the years they have also developed the uncanny ability to know what you value most and desecrate it at the exact moment that you feel most at ease.In addition,once you've heard all of their seemingly innocuous love songs,they soon resort to a most insufferable infernal racket that can only be compared to the insidious drone of police sirens and car
alarms.This cacaphony will ultimately lead to a madness beyond even the best
and most professional pharmaceutical repair.
As he said these last few words,he paused to light up a cigarette.I decided to
take the opportunity to ask him how he'd managed to survive all these long
years without falling victim to these terrible creatures.He simply looked back
at me and held up a single finger asking me to wait a moment.He reached into
his pocket and pulled out a hearing aid.He inserted it into the ear closest to
me and said,"I've been married for 35 years and to this day,the wife has no
idea that I'm almost completely deaf...."he snickered a little and brought his
hand to his mouth.At that point he took out his complete set of false teeth and
smiled a hideously gummy smile at me."I shpeak from eshperiencshe my young friend..."followed by a full on cough inducing
cackle,"shome thingsh are wort looshing a little bit of yourshelf over...".

Ever have one of those mornings,where you wake up right before the alarm
decides it's time to rip you away from that happy place where you're just
about to seal the deal with that hot piece of ass that you usually don't
get,even in your dreams,to find that you are in your own bed,not entirely
disoriented or miles away from any semblance of reality,as you sit up and
pull your pants on you feel the knot of cash still in your pocket that you'd
left your house with the night before and your car keys in the other,walk
in to the kitchen to the scent of freshly brewing coffee even though you
don't have even the slightest memory of setting the timer or filling it
with coffee for that matter,the dog sitting calmly by the door waiting for
you to take him out instead of having created a minefield on the kitchen
floor to remind you that he doesn't have opposable thumbs,the daily paper
waiting on the stoop,wrapped in pristine plastic,early enough to read with
that morning cup,and then noticing that it's still dark enough outside for
your hot new neighbor to have had to have left the lights on,during her
early morning nearly nude workout in front of the window,who's blinds she'd
somehow managed to forget to close,rendering you virtually invisible to
enjoy the show and thanking the gods for giving you the good sense to have
chosen,as a pet,the one animal that needs to be taken outside to do his
business,no matter what godforsaken time of the day it is,and then to look
over at the onset of that oh-god-I-need-a-cigarette-why-did-I-quit nicotine
fit and see that 'last pack' that you'd tossed out the window three long days
ago just sitting within easy reach,the matches still stuck in the plastic
sleeve......Have you ever had one of those days??Well,I have....a million
times...and then I usually wake up,late again,because the alarm didn't work
or maybe I just didn't set it,I rush around trying to find my pants,pray that
my keys are in them,that the car is at least within walking distance and will
actually start,that I have enough money left from the madness of the night
before to stop somewhere for a coffee because as I am inevitably racing thru
the kitchen trying desperately to locate my shoes I slide through a fresh pile
of the dog's finest moments and crash headlong into the counter where the
coffee maker that hasn't worked right since the day I bought the damned thing
sits like a time bomb waiting to explode,to end up lying on the floor,covered
in a glorious mixture of blood,glass,coffee grounds and dog shit only to look
up in time to see my hot near naked neighbor looking in with one of those 'you
fucking pervert,you'd crawl through dog shit to get a look at this wouldn't
you' looks on her face just before she flips me off and slams the blinds
shut....so,yeah...have a nice fucking day....

Life is hilarious and terrifying at the same time.